


Can't Rewind We've Gone Too Far

by reserve



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Chill Kylo He's Not Your Soulmate Just Because He Sucked Your Dick, M/M, Nostalgia, Past Relationship(s), Sex Tapes are a Bad Idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:40:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reserve/pseuds/reserve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux doesn't regret letting that boy film him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Rewind We've Gone Too Far

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for [xan](http://xan-drei.tumblr.com), who inspired it. Many thanks to [badspacebabies](http://badspacebabies.tumblr.com) and [eralkfang](http://eralkfang.tumblr.com) for their cheerleading. Title taken from "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles. 
> 
> Please see [this post](http://reserve.tumblr.com/post/147700221185/hardyness-i-came-out-to-have-a-good-time-and) for gif reference.

The first time Hux sees Kylo Ren’s face his heart falls to its knees. He knows—he _knows_ him. That hawkish nose, Ren’s odd, weak chin and speckled brow, that _mouth,_ he could never forget that face. And he realizes, with shuddering horror, that Ren must know him too, and he's said _nothing_.

Unless, more horrifyingly, he doesn't remember Hux at all.

One summer, years ago, maybe a decade, he'd been on Hosnian Prime. It was a scouting mission, perfect for a young soldier looking to distinguish himself. The Starkiller project was but a nascent dream then, and Hux had been sent to assess targets for their potential galactic impact, beginning with the most obvious choice.

He met Ben Solo outside of his hotel, an opulent place that catered mostly to visiting senators and their families. Hux endeared himself in what felt like a clever bit of subterfuge egged on by brute curiosity. Solo was 18, overly boyish, and bumbling.

“Come out with me,” Hux said, looking at this strange boy from under his lashes. He knew that out of uniform he was unassuming, even vulnerable looking. With his Jedi robes and padawan braid, Hux got the sense that Ben might like that sort of thing.

“Why?”

“Don't you like going out? Or is your kind—”

Ben frowned, his big mouth pulling down into a sullen pout. “People don't...respond well to me. Out.”

“Can't imagine why,” Hux said, trying for earnest but feeling sarcastic. Ben _was_ terribly off-putting. He gave the impression of looking directly through you when he made eye contact. His huge, brown eyes seemed to hold a darker secret, one that was dying to reveal itself. Hux almost liked it.

They sat together in the hotel lobby, surrounded by pink marble and potted palm trees, for three solid hours. Truthfully Hux had nowhere to be. His “research” trip was meant to be self-directed. He would report back in two weeks. All cadets completed the same sort of thing during their final year. He was, in that moment, content to remain with funny looking Ben Solo, son of one very valuable target, until he either learned something worth knowing or got bored enough to go back to his own much more economical lodgings.

"We could go to my room,” Ben said shyly. “My mother is gone for the evening.”

“How old are you?” Hux asked, just to see if Ben would lie.

“Twenty,” said Ben, lying. Hux had a dossier on all of the big New Republic families.

“Okay,” Hux said, feeling rather shy himself. And then less shy, a little while later, when he found himself on his knees, his mouth pulled taut around Ben’s cock. It happened four more times over the next week or so.

What turned out to be the last time, Ben was a wreck. He stroked his fingers through Hux’s hair and looked down at him, his eyes gone soft and wet. “Why don't you like your name?”

Hux peered up at him. “How do you know that?”

Ben shrugged. “I don't like mine either.”

“So?”

“I leave tomorrow,” Ben said. He pulled a tiny holocamera from inside his disheveled beige robe. “Would you let me. I might never get to do this again and I. I would very much like it—”

Hux wiped his hand over his mouth and sat back. “You want to film me doing this?”

Ben nodded.

“You want to film me sucking your cock?” He said it just to watch Ben blush, which he did. It was a terrible idea, and there was no way he could tell Ben the very concrete reasons why. He thought Ben might have sensed that there was something off about him, but he hadn't said, so Hux hadn't worried too much. Now he felt arousal wash over him, drowning in its intensity. He felt woozy with it. It made him want to say yes.

“I won't show anyone,” Ben promised. “There's no one to show where I'm going anyway.”

“Where are you going?”

“I have a new master,” Ben said. Like that explained everything. “Can I?”

He looked very sweet, Hux thought. Not like the kind of person who could have ill will toward anyone, least of all the boy who had just been sucking his cock. Hux bit at his lower lip. Made a little show of it. “Okay,” he said, “but just part of my face.”

“Stars, _yes_ ,” Ben said, “I never want to forget your mouth.”

Hux assumed he’d never see Ben Solo again. And then Ben Solo died. Except.

Except he emphatically didn't.

For three solid months after seeing Kylo Ren’s face for the first time, Hux frets over it. His nails find a frequent home in the fleshy part of his palms. He is extra cool toward Ren and extra snippy by turn. He is a jumble of emotions and still Ren says nothing, as though that magic of his hasn't sussed out the cause of Hux’s unrest.

Ren comes back limping after one of his visits to Snoke, and it hits Hux like a blaster bolt: _his new master_. That night before Ben left, was the last one before he became Snoke’s pupil.

He goes to Ren’s quarters before he can stop himself. All the air in his lungs feels punched out of him. He knocks on Ren’s door with the flat of his fist, pounding the alusteel until he thinks his hand might break from the effort.

Eventually Ren lets him in.

He isn't wearing his gloves or his helmet, and his stupid, too-open face is bare for Hux to drink in. His hair is longer now, he's grown into his nose somewhat. But he’s still Ben Solo, he's still that boy.

“It's been almost a _year_ ,” Hux spits at him, feeling disappointment burn up his throat. “And you’ve said nothing. Not a word.”

Ren looks down at his big, awkward hands.

“A whole _kriffing_ year.”

“I've spent night after night,” Ren says, still looking at his hands, at the ground, at anything other than Hux. “Thinking about you.”

“You were _crying_ ,” Hux says. “Whenever I looked up at you, you were crying. You had tears on your cheeks, I couldn't stop seeing it. I know where you were going now. Where you―went.”

“I was _weak_.”

Hux steps to him, his brow furrowed. He has come to truly loathe this man, but the memories of what they did together have dogged him, nipping at his heels into adulthood. A hazy memory of what he’ll never have again: easy pleasure and sweetly naive attraction on both sides. He had felt so grown, intercepting Ben Solo like some kind of secret operative; he hadn’t been.

“Do you still have it?” He demands.

“No.”

“ _Liar_.”

Ren flinches.

“Show it to me, _watch it with me,_ ” Hux seethes. They are too close and suddenly he can smell Ren, and he smells _familiar_. His hair, his skin, his nervous sweat, it all smells familiar.

“That boy. The one in the video, is _dead_. It shouldn't even exist. I'm not supposed have—I'm not supposed to be sentimental.”

“Well—” Hux starts.

“But I am.” Ren glares at him like he's at fault for all of this. “When I was assigned here, and I saw you, I—I've watched it more times then I can count since then.”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” Ren echoes, almost mocking. He sits down heavily on the edge of his bed, his shoulders sloping forward into a hunch. Hux stays standing, arms crossed over his chest, and when Ren looks up at him, his expression has a dangerous edge, but somehow his eyes are still gentle.

“Put it on one more time. Now."

Ren chews at his mouth—also newly familiar—and reaches out in the direction of the far wall where a holoprojector sits. Hux hears a click, and then the holo springs to life before them. It's not perfect, the technology old and cheap a decade later, but Hux recognizes his own mouth, the tip of his nose. The soft curve of his cheek and chin looks impossibly young, and even more so with his collar spread open and his neck flushed pink. His skin still does that. When he wants it. It feels like an age since he wanted it.

In the holo he smiles, and takes Ben Solo’s spit-slick, swollen cock into his pale hand. Below him, Kylo Ren’s breath hitches. Hux licks his lips and then dips his head and puts Ben’s cock into his mouth. His lips stretch around it, he remembers that—how thick and filling it had been, how very much he'd needed it—and he bobs up and down getting a taste for it. The camera shifts and then his whole face is in view. He hadn't realized Ben had done that. Now the person on his knees is undeniably him. He finds himself exhaling hard through his nose.

“Sorry,” Ren says. “I know you said not to.”

“I suppose it doesn't matter now. Since you did.”

Filmed Hux starts to get a little bit sloppy when Hux notices there's audio. He can hear the soft sounds of spit and tongue at work. Ren gasps when his younger counterpart does, and in the holo one of his huge hands wraps around the back of Hux’s head and rakes through his hair. He can almost feel it now, that weight on his scalp. He'd felt caught, and even though Ben wasn't holding him down on his cock, he'd imagined he was and took as much as he could. It made Ben shudder and moan when Hux tried to work his spongy cockhead past his throat and swallow around it.

Hux gags, and Ben Solo says, “ _fuck_ ,” in this drawn out desperate way that makes Hux blush deeper on screen and feel suddenly very warm in Ren’s cool rooms.

“You’re so hot,” Ben says after he's been at it for a little while longer. “Kriffing...hells, Hux, I wish you could see you.” His fingers tense up in Hux’s longish hair—kept longer for the mission—and his thigh jerks. “Fuck, fuck Hux, I'm gonna come—stop.”

He doesn't stop. Instead his eyes flick up toward Ben, and then he swallows and keeps swallowing while Ben groans loudly and shivers.

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you…” Ben says. His voice thick and stuttering. The holo cuts off.

“Fuck,” says Kylo Ren.

"You didn't want to," Hux says, very quiet. "How many times did I ask?"

"Every time."

"I should go. You should destroy this."

"Wait—" Ren grabs at his belt, his thick fingers making purchase. From this angle, Ren’s eyes look very big, beseeching. He slides his hands to the clasp at Hux’s middle, and Hux feels, with intense regret, how warm those hands are. “Let me do this, just once.”

Hux swallows back a whimper, flattens his mouth into a mean little line. He keeps his arms crossed, but he doesn’t pull away. He can feel Ren’s big knuckles pressing into his soft belly flesh, even through his jacket. Ben Solo hadn’t, but Hux imagines Kylo Ren could bruise him.

“Let you do  _what_?” he asks. An anticipatory tingle goes up his spine.

Ren’s thumbs slide under his belt buckle and he flicks it open. The leather drops to the ground in a heap, and Ren parts Hux’s jacket with both hands. His hands, Hux notices, are larger than they used to be. It thrills him and he can’t place why. He had felt in control, in that hotel room, on his knees. It had been sweetly obvious that Ben was inexperienced and easy to please. He had a worshipful manner to him whenever he touched Hux, and his obvious size advantage hadn’t seemed important. Now after months of trying his damndest not to let Kylo Ren’s imposing stature affect him, he finds himself entirely too affected.

Ren leans in and nuzzles Hux’s stomach. His breath feels warm and humid through the fabric. “Let me return the favor,” he mumbles.

“You didn’t back then.”

“I was too afraid to disappoint you. You knew what you were doing. And I didn’t know shit.” He looks up, and smirks. “I know a little more now.”

“Don’t tell me,” Hux says, feeling inordinately jealous. “I don’t want to know.”

“I’ll show you.” Ren goes for his trouser waist and Hux lets him, determined to be still despite a growing need to take hold of Ren’s hair and fuck his mouth when the time comes. The first brush of fingertips over his cotton-covered erection makes his blood rush in his ears. He steadies himself, hands on Ren’s shoulders, and breathes out hard. “Tell me to touch you,” Ren says. “Tell me you want it.”

“I want it.”

Ren tugs down his trousers and briefs to mid-thigh. “Say it again.” His mouth hovers just over the underside of Hux’s cock.

Hux squeezes hard, digging his nails into Ren's shoulder. “Suck my cock,” he says instead, relishing how crude it sounds.

He has to stop himself from crying out when Ren does. Ren takes the whole of him into his mouth, the tip of his nose nudging Hux’s abdomen as Ren swallows his cock with ease. Another frisson of jealousy goes through Hux, but he placates himself with the spectacle of Kylo Ren on his knees for him, the sight of his dark head, his long, lustrous hair swinging as he bobs on Hux’s cock, moaning for him as he does it. Ren grasps his hand, and holds it against his broad chest. The fingers of his other hand cradle Hux’s scrotum, gently manipulating it. He sucks at Hux’s cock like he’s been starving for it. 

Hux’s stomach tightens. He wants to curve over Ren and whisper filth in his ear, ask him what happened to Ben Solo, make him hurt. Make him pay for holding Hux in thrall for so long. He wants to push Ren back onto his bed and fuck his face until he can’t breath or think.

The sounds Ren is making are obscene. He abandons Hux’s balls, and reaches up so that Hux can pull one of Ren’s thick fingers into his mouth. He sucks at it like he would a cock, sighs when Ren shoves another in alongside the first. Ren’s skin tastes like salt and earth. His finger pads are rougher now. He pulls his fingers away, leaving Hux’s mouth open and panting. When he slips them back behind Hux’s cock and prods gently at his ass it’s only a short time before Hux is coming down Ren’s throat, his hand squeezing Ren’s with unintentioned ardor.

Hux catches his breath and watches Ren swallow and then lick all around his spent cock. He’s leaning forward, still hanging on tightly to Ren’s hand and his shoulder. He should right himself, he should redress. He should get out of this room, and away from this man.

Carefully, Ren lets go of him and brings his palms to Hux’s hips. He leans back and away until he can make eye contact. His lips are wet, red like the flesh of some delectable fruit, and his eyes search Hux’s, seeking a sign that this has been okay.

“Well,” Hux says, unsteady, “you certainly showed me.” All of his anger has melted away with his orgasm, as though Ren sucked it out of him. It almost angers him anew. He steps away from Ren’s hands, leaves him sitting on the bed, one lock of hair stuck to his cheek with sweat.

“You’re going?” 

“It’s mid-shift.” Hux tucks himself away and rights his jacket. Ren hands him his belt.

“Will you come back later? Watch it again with me.”

“I’ll consider it,” Hux says.

Ren stands, his eyebrows pulling together, his horrible, expressive mouth twisting into something ugly. He swoops onto Hux and crushes him close, close enough that his mouth is against Hux’s ear, and Hux can smell the scent of his own sex on him.

“Now that you know you won’t be able to stay away.” Ren inhales deeply, his nose against Hux’s neck. “I know how lonely you are. How badly you need this. Don’t deny yourself.” Hux moves to push him away, but Ren bites down on his neck, chin shoving down his jacket collar to get at the skin beneath. “I’m all you have.”

“We’ll see,” Hux says, breathless again, annoyed by Ren's affect on him. “Now get off me.”

**Author's Note:**

> [follow me on tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reserve) for an extended adam driver problem.


End file.
